A Guide to Being Cheap Instead of Easy: Rebecca Martinson's Advice Colomn

This is my response to America's "favorite sorority girl's" most recent internet appearance. Read Martinson's article here.



It is no secret that  going to a bar tends to be code for finding an easy hook up. I mean college bars especially are a match maker extraordinaire for one night stands.
But when it comes to the lovely Rebecca Martinson's recent article for "female readers" her advice really comes down to slut shaming girls who do put out on the first night, and advising women to be cheap because men are dumb enough to buy. Frankly, women and men alike should ask themselves what an article like this is revealing about ourselves and the standards we generally set.

First off, I'd like to say I have nothing against men or women who seek companionship in a bar setting, knowing that interested parties may or may not have desire for anything more than a one night hook up. That happens. Big deal.

What I don't get about this article is, how does her advice differ from this one night hook up tactic. Either way, you'll get meaningless sex out of the deal. So if that's the goal for women, why go through the extra teasing effort when you can get down and dirty the first night? Basically, Martinson is saying that the most expectation a girl can have is getting a text the next morning, and you do that not by being a kickass woman, but by displaying your thong like the Mona Lisa...I believe that was her disturbing metaphor that lead to me visualizing the Mona Lisa in a thong...  If that is your goal, why is it not okay for women to make that decision the first night? And if that isn't your goal, I think Miss Martinson makes it pretty clear in her opening PSA trying to find more in a bar is a waste of time. Besides if he doesn't care about your "nice Communications major" and only remembers the color of your thong, is he worth the text? What you are going to get out of him that you couldn't get out the first night?

Bascially Martinson is slut shaming girls who put out on the first night, while giving rules to a game to get a call back from a potentially sleezy bar guy who just wants sex anyways. Additionally, Martinson makes it clear girls who go in with the  wild fantasy of meeting a potential partner are childish, talking about themselves, expressing their personality, and even having the shocking faith that a college guy could care about similar things, or at least anything besides sports and what wet hole he is going to stick it in tonight...those women are clearly stupid.

I agree that the young women who go in with high hopes of a prince charming on a bar stool are a bit naive, but I think it is really sad if we have declined so far that we no longer enjoy a social atmosphere without game planning and allowing men to expect sex from us no sooner than the third date, or else we are boring. Socially, we should feel comfortable setting a higher standard for ourselves, and if someone isn't waiting for you to be ready to put out, they aren't worth it in the long run. I mean the other option is ask him about sports, get naked, give him your number, wait to see him again, make sure he is hot enough, have sex, repeat.

My response to Martinson is, most people get that the bar chat is code for no strings. If you choose to get digits and get a text the next day, you are no better or worse than girls who just have sex that first night. And the next time you want to try and give young women advice, how about you tell them to expect more from the young men of today. You expect them to listen as you talk about yourself and you listen to them, you know, conversation 101. You expect them to value the wet holes the give the "Free D" to. And those expectations start with us setting a standard, not selling ourselves as mindless glory holes.

As a side note to Rebecca Martinson : I know more sports than most guys, stop your juvenile gender stereotyping. If the rest of your article didn't already offend me, that was the twist of the knife.

Cosmo: They featured who this month?

The infamous magazine Cosmopolitan receives quite a bit of flack for their essentialism of women to sex objects, consumers, and sluts. In reality though, I have said it once and will say it again, I think they are making strides for women that other media strong holds simply are not. They are making conversation with gynecologists, rape awareness, and even female orgasm a part of main stream conversation. As wonderful as hot shot feminist literature like Bitch magazine may be, they are not what grocery stores are selling on their front end check out lines.
This being said, I defend Cosmo because of the power they have and how they chose to use it.

This month there was quite an interesting article tucked between the celebrity gossip and perfume ads. Although it was not a feature on the cover, it was hard to miss the four spread article titled, "My First Year as a Woman." The story was a piece that focused on rocker Tom Gable, of Against Me!, and her transformation into Laura Jane Grace. Throughout reading the article, I had mental critiques of when pronouns were used and how various representations reinforced the connections between sex and gender, and yet by the time I finished, I realized I had been reading an article about a trans MTF in Cosmopolitan. Trans experience was about as in your face as it could be, without being shamed or hidden. And as much as it was watered down to make consumable to the casual reader, it raised important trans theory questions. It challenged the heteronormitive happily ever after, as Grace remained with her partner Heather both pre and post op, demonstrating the possibility that love transcends gender, gender expression, and even physical sex. It also suggested fluidity, as Grace's daughter continues to call her "daddy" and her voice has remained the same, even with the hormone treatments, which for a rocker, was a relief.  These suggestions were far from subtle, and left me in awe as I finished the piece. It was digestible, yet presented the trans experience better than some of the texts that I studied in academia.

The lives that colored the pages of Cosmo this month did something radical. They gave visibility to a group that has been shunned and hidden within our society for far to long, but it did more than that. It extended a hand of femininity and feminine support to the transgender community, which has long been forgotten in the feminist race for civil rights. I believe that marginalized groups must stand together in solidarity, recognizing all as individuals with individual sub goals to the ultimate mission for equality.

Want to see what Cosmo said? Read it Here

Sandra Fluke Will Not Be Silenced

Preach it sister friend...



When you think about Feminism, this is what it means. Equal doesn't mean same, but it means we get to be heard.

Feminism and Queer Theory: Dani Shay

Alrighty, well I am a day late with my August post, but better late than never, and besides I had some challenges when it came to deciding what to write about. Of course there is always issues involving the recent Republican snafoo of throwing around the phrase "legitimate rape" and the big political issues of abortion and birth control. This month, however, something less popular and equally impactful came my way. I know it is not directly a Feminism issue, but I feel like Gender Issues of all kind will make their way to my blog. Feminist Theory and Queer Theory, both are lenses through which to view and critique culture and social media, are usually studied in tandem. Therefore, I think issue has a spot on my blog.

I recently discovered the musician Dani Shay. This performer, whom on her website uses the pronoun she, posted a song on her youtube account a song that challenges our perceptions of gender. I absolutely loved her opening, questioning what gender means outside of biology. For those of you who don't know, sex is the biological determination of classification into Male or Female, where as Gender is a little more complex. Gender refers to the display of sexuality, and does not fall into a binary classification system, to many people's dismay.

We are taught that you are either a girl or a boy. But what makes us one or the other? Sexual organs do not tie us to our interests, personalities, and other qualities that society uses to determine our gender. This is the message that often goes unnoticed when we are bombarded with media that depicts and defines men and women. We are shown as "opposites" rather than just different. Here to me, lies the problem. Men are expected to be the opposite of women and when we push these classifications at opposite ends of the spectrum we create boxes to harbor our understandings inside. Humans are either this or that.

But then what are the definite terms of distinguishing between man and woman? Simply, there are none. Maybe there is a percentage, well you have to do this many girly things to be a woman. Well I think I would fail at that, but as Sjourner Truth would say "Ain't I a Woman?"
I play sports. I almost never hold my tongue or my opinion. I take on leadership roles and am self-reliant. And I do it all in a skirt, or pants, or whatever I feel like wearing. Where then do we draw the line to determine gender? I believe gender is one's personal decision. I am a woman. I my essence of self I understand myself to be a heterosexual woman. And just because I play rugby and hold my ground does not give anyone the right to decide what gender I am.

This goes for my wonderful, Justin Bieber look-alike, Dani Shay. She has short hair, a boyish style, and a high pitch singing voice. Who is to decide who she is besides her?

Included below is the video and her wonderful challenging song Girl or Boy. I hope you enjoy.

We are daughters of feminists who said you "You can be anything" and we heard "You have to be everything"

Great article. Please read and get some insight into the Paris Paradox (something I never heard by this name, but I have discussed in other articles!)
Check it out HERE

Sugar and Spice

Just an interesting article I came across:
The Straw Feminist

Spice Girls: Girl Power?

I recently watched the classic film Spice World. All nostalgic nonsense aside, this movie revealed a new insight for me. I remember all of the catchy tunes from my childhood, the terrible 90s outfits, and of course the British accents. I did not remember, until watching the movie with my current knowledge of gender roles, the focus on "Girl Power" and female independence. This girl band who wore animal print and had the addictive nauseating  hooks seemed to have a secret agenda of inspiring girls to be more than a pretty face.

This realization was quite startling considering I figured almost any female in the music world was subjected to be objectified, caught in the catch 22 of using sexuality for power and being seen as only a sexual object. It is the paradox that makes even Lady Gaga a heroine and a skank. 

The Spice Girls are not completely innocent and do find themselves parading their borderline anorexic bodies  around in skimpy clothes, but there is something hidden in the sugar-sweet lyrics protruding from the plumped pronounced lips..

And that is the overall message of "Girl Power" a phrase that the feisty Ginger often uses as her trademark of sorts. Their songs echo this message with hymns like "Wannabe" with the resounding chorus, "I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want." I didn't say they were lyrical geniuses, but this aggressive persona of a decisive female in pop songs disappeared only 5 years later when Brittney's "I'm a Slave For You" hit the charts.  "Stop" a song that unfortunately never reached the fame of "Wannabe" could be even more applicable in today's hook-up culture craze, as well as the scary rise in date rape. The song has the persona insisting that the love interest, assumingly male, is moving faster than she would like, "You've crossed the line so you're gonna have to turn around." I don't mean to suggest that a song can change the hook-up, one night stand praising culture which seems to soak through today's music. I also don't mean to say that a song could empower a woman to avoid a tragedy like rape. However, songs that help embrace a woman's choice to say no is often overlooked. There is a tendency to place blame on young women, even in the most terrible circumstances, where as in this instance, women are told, you can say no when they are uncomfortable.

Because of the poppy bubble gum sound, do the lyrics really matter? There are arguments on both sides for how influential these messages really are, but there was another part of the Spice World movie that really struck me: the personality of the girls themselves. 

There are 5 girls, if you somehow missed the 90s version of the British invasion and skipped out on knowing these pop stars: Ginger, Baby, Scary, Posh (Now Victoria Beckham), and Sporty.

The girls are very different, and all represent differing forms of femininity. The group represents the duality women are expected to have in addition to what is the socially acceptable balance of femininity and masculinity. They do push the binary though, challenging the normal conception of Womanhood.

Ginger: Feisty , redhead, who is the voice of Girl Power and although leans toward femme, has an aggressive nature that is almost akin to a lioness.

Baby: The innocent sweet, girl next door type. She isn't the brightest and might be the closest to a stereotype feminine as possible, but she does allude to most of it being an act and how she wishes she was smarter. This in itself was inspiring to hear when she tells Posh that she doesn't always like the image, there is more to her.

Scary: A lot could be said about race when it comes to the Spice Girls, but that is not this article's focus, so I digress. Scary is just that, a bit intimidating, ready to throw down if necessary, wears a little bit more daring clothes. Clearly a more vicious female specimen.

Posh: Pretty, superiority complex, the girl in high school that walks over whomever she chooses: the 90s Regina George. Again, a bit of a stereotype, but she is anything but passive.

Sporty (my favorite): Clearly butch, but still participates in girlish antics of slumber party story telling and giggling with her band mates. She is always working out and wearing sports wear, the most masculine of the bunch there are times she would pass more for a Backstreet Boy than a Spice Girl. Somehow, this goes unnoticed by the feminist world, but to me she is a wonderful example of the duality of womanhood. She is a sports obsessed butch who lives in a hyper femme world, and it works.

 This group may be fantastical and not stress their struggles, yet it demonstrates to their main audience, young influential girls, that no matter who you are you can be friends, and you can enter this secret "woman" club where Girl Power is there to support you. They served to bond women rather than teach them to hate each other. Often there is a competition between women that divides us, but if we can take anything away from the crazy Spice Girls, it is their ability to put friendship above all else because there is power in numbers when we stand together.